Where I Am Now

I just came out from a long dark tunnel where pain, confusion and fears were my companions for many many years. After over a decade in a marriage founded on pride, deceit and distrust- I am now just almost a year old as an official single mother raising my two teenage kids alone by myself, with no support whatsoever from my ex-husband.

I have uprooted myself and my two children from the Province last year to walk out on my husband who impregnated a minor student after countless affairs with many other very young damsels in distress. As soon as I confirmed my employment, my children and I sold everything and moved to Manila to be nearer my family and to begin a new life.

I was a little girl who married a little boy at the wrong time for the wrong reasons, a typical teenage pregnancy forced to marriage by parents and norms conventional of the times. In that world where I came from- two immature proud and selfish people destroy each other against the backdrop of meddling in laws, financial problems, and all possible frailties of the human nature. It was a bleak existence of two angry and lost souls lured into a hopeless spiraling disease of agony and anguish by the circumstances of their own folly.

That was my life and my world then.

Now , I am in a new organization where I need to prove myself all over again to provide for my childrens' needs.

I am starting a a new home from scratch.

I am creating new traditions and memories for my children as we build our own family by ourselves.

I am grieving for our loss, sitting on our pain, healing our wounds.

I am weaving new dreams for myself and my children.

I am celebrating our freedom from an ugly past , yet at times fearing the road ahead.

My foe Past still lingers in some of my nights not really wanting to leave completely. My new friend Present works so hard to ground herself in new directions. Future, my acquaintance, calls to me everyday leading me on to reach her.

Where am I, really, now?

I am in A PLACE CALLED HOPE.

Crossing over, gently, paistakingly, one day at a time ….

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