Uncertainties

The past few weeks have been turbulent in the office following intrigues and powerplay in the hiring and selection procees of new organic Immigartion employees.

I for one have been distraught that though I hold a little edge over other aspirants being a niece of the Commissioner, I was not even in the shortlist. Now I never flaunted my blood relations with my aunt, the wife of the Commissioner and the 1st cousin of my Mom. I work hard everyday, comply with all rules and perform the tasks and responsibilities assugned to me diligently. My family is not political, in fact I am the 1st of us to work under a politician, thus i follow the lifetsyle , bearing and values of an ordinary staff as everybody else. When it comes to qualifications and skills, i am proud to say I have experience and and skills above mediocrity.

After a while I got was inserted into the shortlist, but to I waas dismayed in the line up of aspirants for my position was a man connected to the 1st family. Thus, I stand no chance of
being appointed permanent. All for who holds the higher ground in politics.

Thus I am very sad these days, my family is also hurt by these developments. The Commissioner;s men sgould have listed my name in a line up where I stand a fair chance, but they did not because they too have their own men and interests to accomplish.

I begun sending resume and applications to private offices hoping to get part time or freelance job/s. So far, I think I will get at least one or maybe two. My goal is to play my skills in the market to have an active practive of my craft. If worst comes to worst in my present job, I have build up my personal professional profile just the same. I have kids and I cannot lay idle waiting for my death sentence.

But true enough, I am disappointed in the ugliness of the padrino system in the governement, a reality that I cannot change but only brace myself with my own forces and connections. You see, the pay is really good considering the time and work load required.
For now the timeline and assurance of my plans is at halt, I hoped to loan a house but this seems for now. It is sad, I am sad.

But my family's support and prayers are lifting me up slowly. Maybe, next time. Maybe the best job for me is just in corner.

Yes, the best is still to come...

Please pray for me nad my two children.

Where I Am Now

I just came out from a long dark tunnel where pain, confusion and fears were my companions for many many years. After over a decade in a marriage founded on pride, deceit and distrust- I am now just almost a year old as an official single mother raising my two teenage kids alone by myself, with no support whatsoever from my ex-husband.

I have uprooted myself and my two children from the Province last year to walk out on my husband who impregnated a minor student after countless affairs with many other very young damsels in distress. As soon as I confirmed my employment, my children and I sold everything and moved to Manila to be nearer my family and to begin a new life.

I was a little girl who married a little boy at the wrong time for the wrong reasons, a typical teenage pregnancy forced to marriage by parents and norms conventional of the times. In that world where I came from- two immature proud and selfish people destroy each other against the backdrop of meddling in laws, financial problems, and all possible frailties of the human nature. It was a bleak existence of two angry and lost souls lured into a hopeless spiraling disease of agony and anguish by the circumstances of their own folly.

That was my life and my world then.

Now , I am in a new organization where I need to prove myself all over again to provide for my childrens' needs.

I am starting a a new home from scratch.

I am creating new traditions and memories for my children as we build our own family by ourselves.

I am grieving for our loss, sitting on our pain, healing our wounds.

I am weaving new dreams for myself and my children.

I am celebrating our freedom from an ugly past , yet at times fearing the road ahead.

My foe Past still lingers in some of my nights not really wanting to leave completely. My new friend Present works so hard to ground herself in new directions. Future, my acquaintance, calls to me everyday leading me on to reach her.

Where am I, really, now?

I am in A PLACE CALLED HOPE.

Crossing over, gently, paistakingly, one day at a time ….

.

Blog

“Pakade, magblog kita ….”

At noon time I received a call from my younger sister Joann who was staying at my mom’s house (prior to their transfer to Provincial life) insisting that I come over to talk about blog, the seemingly most recent hype in the family. My elder sister Ate already texted me to come earlier but I declined due to house chores on the line. But my sisters were really persistent this time so I said okey.

True indeed when I arrived there, all three laptops in the house were all busy on this thing they call blog, even my nephews were hooked on their own niche, and so was an aunt who arrived later in afternoon.

After some chit chat my sisters begun their Blog 101 lessons-one lecturing on the whiteboard, the other actualizing and demonstrating on the laptop. ...

My mind went berserk with the technical inputs, I am not an IT person, and all I know is basic typing: tinkering with machines was never attractive to me but my sisters assured me I would learn these things slowly along the way.

You see, we are a family inclined towards the field of communication- we are five sisters who were all part of our high school newspapers, we excelled in declamations , orations , dramatics , theater arts and the like- we took it from our mother, a teacher, an artist in her own right. We are also a female pack-the passion of the hearts, the depth of the mind and the profundity of the soul are all our domain.

Hence that weekend I surrendered to my captors, my sisters, as they made me their official mission that afternoon - to bring me along into this exciting world of blog writing.

And thus here I am now, hesitant and insecure like a feeble little
duckling not quite sure what to write, how to write, where to go about …..…

But what finally prompted me to do this albeit my uncertainties and fears, is that in this new experience- I travel beside and learn along two wonderful people, my sisters, and with them –I am sure this can only be a fun and wonderful journey.

Blog world, here I am now- please open the door with so much patience for me, teach me gently for I am still groping in the dark, inspire me for I am in dire, and humble me with best that I can share....